I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
