what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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