If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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