Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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