i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
