Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
