So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
