Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
