I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
