party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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