you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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