Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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