Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
