my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
