I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need to stop coming to work sober
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
