Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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