I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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