So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
