i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
