My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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