how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
