You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
