$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
