I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
