My Higher Power is John Stamos
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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