I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
