I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
