I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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