Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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