She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
