just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
