It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
