she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
