just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
