There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
