Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
