Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
