Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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