Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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