So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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