i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
