I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
