hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
a search helicopter?!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
