i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
