Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
