In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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