From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
