we're blogging at a bar
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
