so explain again why im purple
no
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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