Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
