The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
