I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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